she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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