what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
