Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
