She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
