Swine flu. Run for my life!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
