There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
