If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
