i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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