where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
