and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
