i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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