i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
