Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
