on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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