grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
