Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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