this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
