I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
