You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
