the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
