So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
