I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
