I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
