cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
