I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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