Moan for me like Helen Keller
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
