the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
