I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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