i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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