I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
