we're blogging at a bar
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
