Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
