Having a random hookup so left but love u
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
