he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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