I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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