When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize