I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
