She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
