She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
