shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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