forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Green mimosas i think yes
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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