Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
