so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
