Sorry, I don't speak sober.
now i know why i became what i already was.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Bring me that man meat
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
