I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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