So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
