I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
