There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
