I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
