Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
