Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
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I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
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I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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