Your face is a jimmy john
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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