So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
