Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
