my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
