come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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