I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
