when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you traded sex for a burrito?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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