My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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