just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
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Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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