do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.