you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.