Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
