I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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