Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
