he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
