So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
