I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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