I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
