It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
