Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
