I'm gonna have a badass scar
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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