oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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