At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
