You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
