I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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