it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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