Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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