I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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