My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
