I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
