He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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