What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
