Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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